A message regarding Domestic Violence Awareness Month from Heath

A message regarding Domestic Violence Awareness Month from Heather Bean Oyler, ex-wife of our councilman Zachary.With it being Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I feel that it is more important now than ever to finally share my opinions and feelings very blatantly, outside of my blog.I made a decision years ago that I didn't want to feed into Facebook comments, posts, etc., regarding my ex-husband's arrest and the abuse I endured during our marriage. I chose to speak solely from my own experiences on my blog.Last night, I received a screenshot of a post my ex-husband made regarding the support he was giving to the event #GirlsDay. #girlsdayLet's rewind to April 13, 2025, when I sent a group text to the event organizers asking to be a part of the event. I had seen one of the organizers post on Facebook that anyone interested in getting involved should reach out.I reached out. I was turned down.I was turned down from being a part of the committee organizing an event that would be supporting the Center for Prevention of Abuse, despite being a very public victim of domestic violence in our community.One of the organizers had been publicly speaking about her own experiences and wanting to help survivors and victims of abuse. Yet I, also a survivor, was turned down from being a part of the committee. Screenshots attached.And now, I see an organizer posing with my ex-husband, who has a criminal record stemming from a domestic violence case, at an event supporting victims and survivors of domestic violence. I am tired of being quiet.I am tired of men like this being excused for everything they do.Yes, he may seem like a sweet, snuggly teddy bear who does amazing things for the community to some people. But being in an abusive relationship looks very different from the outside than it does from the inside.Just so you know, the night I called 911, the police took photographs of the marks on my body. The marks that were around my neck.There is photographic evidence.Then, on the body camera footage, he admits to what he did to me. The body cam footage is attached to this.He ADMITS it.Did I publicly recant my statement? Yes.Why? Because I was scared.Unless you have lived in a home with someone who repeatedly abuses you mentally, emotionally, sexually, physically, etc., you cannot fully understand how different your experience with that person can be from everyone else's.When I was told to recant my statement, I was instructed to do so through a Facebook message sent to a reporter. That message stated that Zach knew about the interview that needed to be done. It also addressed concerns about witness tampering and the need for the article to be published before his court hearing. Screenshot attached.When I was finally strong enough to fully leave, which took a very long time, I made a promise to myself that I would do anything I could to help advocate for victims and survivors of domestic violence.We separated four separate times before I finally filed for divorce the second time and ultimately ended our marriage.When I received the screenshot last night, I sent a text message to the one of the event organizers (not pictured) asking why this happened and explaining how I felt.I received no response.I also reached out to the director of the Center for Prevention of Abuse, Carol Merna, who told me that the organization did not help put the event together and did not know whether anyone had invited him or who that person might have been.I believe her.I did tell her that I believe the organization should publicly return any money he may have contributed to this event.After my ex-husband entered an Alford plea, he was required to attend domestic violence classes through the Center for Prevention of Abuse.Unfortunately, when he attended those classes, we were still under pandemic restrictions. The classes, which were supposed to be multiple hours long each week over an extended period of time, were conducted over the phone.From what I personally witnessed, his calls lasted approximately 15 minutes at a time.Afterward, he would repeatedly tell me that what he had learned in those classes was how much I had abused him.I would like to remind everyone what an Alford plea actually means.An Alford plea is a guilty plea in which a defendant maintains their innocence while acknowledging that the prosecution has sufficient evidence that could likely result in a conviction. It allows a defendant to accept a criminal conviction without expressly admitting guilt.My ex-husband's decision to publicly post about supporting this event during Domestic Violence Awareness Month was a choice he made.I know him extremely well. I have my own thoughts about what motivated that decision, but I cannot speak to what was in his mind.He also tagged a friend of mine who had nothing to do with this situation. She contacted him and asked him to remove the tag because she did not want to be associated with the post.Thank you, Megan Couri, for calling me and checking on me today. It means so much to me.I loved Peoria.When I was married, being involved in the community was one of the most important things to me.Eventually, I was removed from every board seat I held. I was turned down for job interviews with nonprofits because, as I was told, "it wasn't smart to have me as part of the organization" anymore.I finally left Peoria in September of 2025 and after the windows of my bedroom were shot at following my testimony against my ex-husband at his expungement hearing. A police report was filed. Screenshot attached.I regret more than anything that I didn't fight harder. That I didn't go against him during the criminal court proceedings.But I was scared, and I was making decisions based on my safety.I did return to the State's Attorney's Office in 2023 when they wanted me to review the unredacted police report.I brought up my concerns about witness tampering and other things that had occurred. I was told that they did not want to risk bringing additional charges against him.During my divorce, the Journal Starpublished information about where I lived. There were articles that, from my perspective, felt like complete witch hunts against me as a private citizen. The reporter, J.j. Bullock reported a large amount of incorrect numbers and information as well.When my divorce was finalized in December 2024, I wasn't awarded a single dollar in maintenance., even though the Journal Star said it was heavily tilted in my favor, it was not.After my ex-husband was arrested and I went to treatment for the trauma I experienced during our marriage, he no longer wanted me to work.He made me transfer the leadership of our real estate team to him.I also spent months hiding in our home, from June through October 2019, because I was told I needed to avoid being subpoenaed.I remember his first attorney, Rob Hanauer, picking us up in his wife's car so it "wouldn't be obvious" and driving us to Kouri's in Metamora, outside the county, so we wouldn't be seen.During that meeting, I recall being told that without a witness, the case would have to be thrown out.I shared my account of this meeting with the State's Attorney's Office during a recorded interview in October 2019, after the story was published in the Journal Star.So many things about what happened in my case and my divorce were wrong.When my divorce was finalized, I lost my health insurance and my financial security. The judge repeatedly mentioned in the judgment that this was a maintenance case, yet I wasn't awarded maintenance, or a single dollar of anything that I invested in the marriage including money that was left to me from my mother that was put into our home. I appealed.And I won the appeal.But after we returned to court, it became clear to me that if I continued pursuing maintenance and other financial relief, the legal battle could continue through further appeals.I cannot explain to you the amount of money I spent trying to get divorced.When it was finally over, I accepted a settlement this past March. It was far less than what I believed I should have received, but I needed it to be over. I couldn't handle the the process anymore. It was long and difficult and my exhusband had a room of supporters there each and everytime I had to testify about the terrible things that occurred in our marriage.When I told my exhusband I wanted a divorce, he promised me that if I tried to leave him, he would make sure I was penniless, homeless, and run out of town.And that is exactly how my life eventually went.I lost everything.When I moved, he wouldn't even let me take furniture or other belongings from the house without conflict.When I took the two dining tables that had belonged to my mother before she died, he told me he couldn't believe I didn't leave a table for him to sit at.I had a nice life. We lived comfortably. We did fun things.But by the time I eventually won my appeal, I had lost every single financial asset I had.I burned through the money my mother left me trying to get divorced.Literally everything, down to losing my car.I do not feel that the courts did anything to protect or help me during the divorce trial.I testified for many days over more than a year of court proceedings. My exhusband was even requested while on the stand to read text messages that he sent me. His attorney responded that was just an angry husband at a wife.Many questions were asked about the abuse I experienced and the treatment I continue to receive. My exhusband stated on the stand that there is no way for me to be dealing with cPTSD from the trauma and abuse in our marriage when it never even happened and it didn't exist. His attorney for the trial was Joe Borsberry. Yet Judge Dan Cordis stated in the judgment that I had turned a blind eye to our finances, placing responsibility on me for not knowing things about our financial situation.I was never involved in managing our finances. In fact, my ex-husband signed our tax returns on my behalf.I lost everything I had.And I am still trying to rebuild.But then I see my ex-husband publicly supporting a fundraiser benefiting the Center for Prevention of Abuse during Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I have had enough.Enough.Enough of court systems that fail to protect survivors of abuse during divorce proceedings.Enough of a legal system that I believe needs to be stronger when addressing abusive men and women.Enough of victims being left to rebuild their lives with little to no help.Enough of the Journal Star publishing reporting that I believe was inaccurate, making an already difficult court process worse, and repeatedly failing to use my correct name.Enough of 25News WEEK with Lizzie Seils working on what I understood to be an important investigative report intended to spread awareness, only for me to be told that higher-ups would not allow it to air (by a member of staff at the station).By the way, I have reason to believe that footage may still exist because footage from a 2019 interview was later used after I had previously been told it was destroyed. So, the story could still be there and a local news station made the choice to help an abusive elected official instead for f victims of domestic violence's Leon Hendricks was the station manager that was apart of the process.Enough of everyone questioning victims.Enough of people witnessing abuse and then defending the person responsible.Enough of people spreading hateful stories and rumors about survivors.Enough of victims being made to feel that speaking about what happened to them is somehow worse than the abuse itself.I am attaching screenshots so that some of what I have shared here makes more sense.I also want to make something very clear: I have never knowingly shared anything on my blog that I could not support with documentation. I have saved text messages, records, and other evidence relating to my experiences.I have spent years trying to move forward, rebuild my life, and find happiness again.And I have worked incredibly hard to do that.But moving forward does not mean pretending that what happened to me was acceptable.It does not mean staying silent when I see something that I believe is deeply wrong.And it certainly does not mean that I have stopped caring about other women who are living through the same things I once lived through.I am tired of being quiet.I am tired of watching these things happen.And I believe something needs to change.Domestic Violence Awareness Month should be about listening to survivors, supporting victims, holding abusers accountable, and making sure that the people who have suffered are not the ones who continue to pay the price.Everyone that likes his post and enablers abusers are apart of why we are seeing the things we are seeing in the media today and are apart of the problem.Please share.heatherbeanoyler.com /www.facebook.com/sha re/v/1HxhUKMaNg/?mib extid=wwXIfr