"Someone stole $5 worth of tools from Nena Ace Hardware, 1415 NW. Forrest Hill."This buys you what, half a screwdriver?? A dozen wing nuts? A grip for your hammer?? The manager's help in aisle 5?????????

"A patient at Rosewood Healthcare who suffers from dementia accused two workers there of trying to push her head into a toilet. Both workers denied it, saying they respectfully asked the patients if they could help her to use the toilet. There were no arrests."Where do I even start??

Peoriapundit, THANK YOU for giving me my daily gut busting laughs!! You don't know how stressful my daily workload is!!You have NO IDEA the respite the BLOTTER! gives me from workload!Getting to lampoon the Blotter! is a welcome brain break for me....and before anyone clobbers me for taking the stance of lampooning the Blotter!, I'll be the first to admit that many on the Blotter! could point their finger right back at me and say, "But QuispnQuake, remember that time when you....."

I bask in the glow of your adoration.